How many times have you been told, or have you told your life partner: “Why you haven’t washed dishes?”, “You didn’t took the garbage out“, “Your clothes are all over the house”… How many times have you told your kid: “Why can’t you be more like your brother/sister”, “Stop eating with your hand, use the fork”, “You haven’t finished your homework ?!”… How many times have you told your parents: “I’m too busy, I don’t have time to speak right now”, “I’ve told you a hundred times”… How many times do you tell your collaborators: “You haven’t delivered in time”, “There are quality issues on your task”…

We probably hear and say these lines every day. But do you act the same with the positive messages ? Do we tell your partner: “Thank you for shopping”, “I’m glad you washed the car”, “The yard looks great now that it is clean !”… How often do we tell our children: “I’m glad you exist”, “You make my life beautiful”, “I felt so good when we played together”… How often do we tell our parents: “Thank you for raising me”, “I’m glad you called me”, “I would like to see you, to spent some time together”…

Unfortunately, we rely on the old saying: “No feedback is good feedback”! Studies published by Harvard Business Review (HBR), show that the ratio between the negative and positive interactions defines success in a collaboration: be it with our partner, our child, our parents or even our subordinates.

 

A ratio of 1:1 (one negative message to one positive message) defines a failure in collaboration.

A ratio of 1:2 (one negative interaction vs. 2 positive interactions), defines an average collaboration. You can clearly see the impact of a negative message is bigger than the impact of a positive one.

For a successful collaboration the ratio between negative and positive interactions must be 1:5 !!!

In conclusion: don’t forget to send your positive messages any time you have the chance, and in any situation you find yourself in! How many positive messages you gave today ?