Can you imagine what it’s like when someone else makes your schedule? Try this exercise: I’ll make your schedule for Saturday.
8 AM: Wake up
10 AM: Grocery shopping
11 AM: Prepare lunch
12 PM: Serve lunch
2 PM: Go swimming
3 PM: Attend an English course
5 PM: Clean the house
8 PM: Watch a movie I pick – Star Wars: The Force Awakens
I recently experienced what it feels like when others control your schedule. Last week at work, we had some visitors, and I was responsible for them for a week. I picked them up from the hotel in the morning, drove them to the office, and went from meeting to meeting according to their agenda. We had lunch together, and after lunch, we started a workshop. In the evening, we went to a restaurant, and then I took them back to the hotel. This routine continued for several days. Even though I had one or two “free” hours each day, I felt like I couldn’t do anything, and by the end of the day, I was exhausted.
I imagined what it’s like for kids who have their entire day scheduled: they go to school, come back home, do their homework, attend swimming class, dancing class, or language lessons, and then their day is over. The next day is the same, and so is their entire childhood. Their need for making decisions is completely stifled. They have no opportunity to decide what to do with their time. We want to raise them to be responsible adults who can make their own decisions, but we fail to give them the chance to practice making small decisions.
Moreover, we are exhausting them every day.
I was talking to a mom in the park the other day, and she shared her observation: “My kid works more than an adult in a day: he wakes up at 7 AM and has a non-stop schedule until 9 PM. He catches one or two free hours a day when he finishes his homework early.” Probably their only “free” hours are those when they transition from one activity to another. Is this what free time means?!
Kids need to have some control over their schedule, just like we do. Let’s start asking them more often: What do you want to do today? Where do you want to go this weekend? Where should we go on vacation?
Give them at least one “mom and child” day a month when they can decide what you do together! I’m sure you’ll lay the foundation for an open communication relationship with your child.
What do you let your child decide?
